Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's prominent comedians used their broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play system for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins all he handles."

The subject was the new plan that enables foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for 5 million. A government portal promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to affluent applicants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, involving hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best background check the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval numbers amid financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.